My heart longs for you
Day and night
I await your love
To save me
To make me what I should be
To complete me.
The days in my house passed by slowly as my friend returned to keep me company daily, and even bringing friends with him from time to time. The odd thing was that he was the only thing that kept me from killing myself. But I guessed that would be expected, after all, if I died he died to so why wouldn’t he try to keep me from killing myself. Not just that but, it seemed as though his whole point in existing was just to make me miserable and make sure I stayed alive, it was a pretty good way of doing that. Which also meant that, he did his best to help me push everyone around me away.
But it was when I finally gave him a name that things really changed, from that point on my mental state took a nose dive off the deep end. It wasn’t long before I stopped talking to any real people outside of work, and even at work I said very little, I only spoke when I had to. I closed myself off from the real world, but still, a part of me wanted to reach out to someone, I just didn’t know how to or even what I would say if I managed to find someone to talk to.
The time passed as I grew worst, soon I lost track of the days and began missing work, I was lost in my own world stuck in my head. “Ok, you need to get some help from someone now.” Said Phil that was what I had named him after a few weeks of seeing him. I turned back to him. “What do you know about what I need to do, and I thought you didn’t care.” I yelled at him, he just walked around me looking me up and down from head to toe. “Well, I don’t actually care about you. I just care that you’re alive and at this rate it doesn’t look like you will be lasting much longer, so you’re going to get help, and you’re not going to die because if you die I die, and that’s not happening any time soon if I have anything to say about with it.” He said with a serious look on his face, much like the look on the covers of my books.
After that, he left, and I didn’t see or hear anything from him for two weeks until everything changed. I walked into my office and sat at my desk across from Kellie and started working on one of my articles, all that was heard was the sound of my fingers hitting the keys on the keyboard. About ten minutes into writing my article, I saw him standing there behind Kellie with an evil smirk on his face, but I ignored him thinking maybe he would go away if I did. “Oh come on, I know you see me.” He said and walked around her gliding his hand on her shoulders. Then through her hair, I knew he was just trying to get my attention, but knowing what he was trying to do didn’t stop it from working. “What do you want, why did you come back? I yelled out in my mind, but he just put his hand to his ears acting like he couldn’t hear me. I yelled out in my mind louder and louder, but he kept it up every time.
Finally, I opened my mouth to say it aloud, but suddenly I chocked, then what came out shocked me. “Please Kellie I need help, I don’t know what to do anymore.” Kellie looked up shocked by what I just said, but at the same time, she looked relieved by what I had said. He smiled behind her, with a smile of success. “Well my work here is done I’ll be seeing you around, and don’t think you will ever be able to get rid of me.” He said winking as he disappeared, I realized then that Kellie was no longer sitting in the chair across from me but was standing next to me with her hand out. “Come on I’m taking you to see a doctor, I’m so happy you’re ready to get better everything will be ok now don’t worry.” She said taking my hand.
But sadly, this wasn’t true well I didn’t think it was true anyway. The last words Phil had said echoed through my mind from that point on, like an ominous warning.
I spent the next week in a mental hospital getting treatment. Which for the most part meant talking about everything that went wrong in my life and taking pills. The whole week seemed to drag on forever, but at the same time, it felt as though I was getting better, which made me feel better as I thought about it. After a week, they decided that I was not a danger to myself though I still needed to take the pills they gave me. So I was sent home, but I wasn’t to go back to work for another week. I had to relax and take it easy, and not get stressed about anything, to let my mind process everything that had happened to me away from the stress of my normal life.
So I did just what I was told to do, I went home I took my pills, I turned everything off, and just laid swinging in my hammock looking at the plants and birds in my backyard. Then I watched the sunset for the first time since Crystal left, as the last rays of the sun peaked over the horizon I let everything I was thinking float out of my mind. I did this every day for a week, I awoke and watch the sunrise, I went to the park and enjoyed nature around me, the people, animals, and trees. Halfway through the week, I felt so different, my mind had finally started to cope with everything that had happened to me, and I felt as if I was getting better finally.
Kellie came and took me back to the doctors for them to see if I could go back to work at the end of the week, and they said it would be good for me to start going back to work one day at a time. It would get me back into the life I had before all this happened, and even though I didn’t want to go back to work just yet, I thought it would be a good idea to go and get out of the house more.